The Circle's Shrinkin'

As i come close to the big '3 0', i can't help but introspect about the last decade. Exactly 10 years ago in 1999, i entered another world, fondly called 'JU'. It still is a huge unresloving mystery, and back then , just after i stepped out of one of the oldest and snootiest schools ever, my nose was too high to control! And there was i, struggling to adjust to the SFI narebazi, flyers and campaign posters in Bengali, exam booklets with blank pages....and me struggling to keep my handwriting straight, the teachers talking in Bengali...even in the class......Jesus, where am i?
I made one terrible mistake during the first two years, while i pulled down my nose from the sky, i pushed it too low and there were quite a few people who thought i was an easy catch, politically and personally. While i thought i was being polite, some thought i was naive.

It took me two long years to understand this...and yes, by that time i had conquered the blank pages as well! I made quite a few friends, some just to hang out with, some shared their problems, some became family while some just silently admired. From Darshan Bhavan to Dept of Chemical Engg. to the main Arts Bldg., i had a huge circle of friends which gave me some lasting memories.

The going got a little tough after 2003, and i lost the ones i counted on the most. I soon realised that quite a few of my then friends were plain jealous. I still can't believe what i'm writing but it's so true. I had never asked for any help, i just wanted a pat of encouragement, a hug of support. Not that i was left all alone but the ones i loved most were gone.....the circle began to shrink and it was only the begining...

Utsav became my support system sooner than i realised....when i started seeing him, i wasn't really in love...but our friendship grew so strong that it encompassed everything else. I keep falling in love with him over and over again and it's all because he is such a great friend. Baby, i love u.

One person deserves a special mention, and that's Hal....through all her personal ups and downs and her inherent kiddie nature, she has been a constant factor in my life since 2001. Hugs!

Shoru is a living example of what friendship is all about, he loves Utsav and adores me. I don't have words to express my gratitude to him. Mwahs!

And there was this one person who i wanted to know a little better eversince i met her. She is individuality and independence personified. For many years, i mistook her indifference and thought she was way too unapproachable. I came to know Gejo as she is, over the last year. She will never open up her heart to anyone, but i can proudly say that today, i know her a lot better than many of her friends. She jokes about my idiocyncrasies, but likes me exactly the way i am. We have very similar sensibilities, perhaps beacuse of our cosmopolitan orientation. Love you Gejo, just the way you are!

Being around these few people who have known me for quite a few tried and tested years now, i'm in a tiny but warm little circle.
I don't want any more litmus tests. I am tired of self-pitying freaks, tired of born losers. I am tired of seeing people changing every fortnight, changing once they get girlfriends or get married, tired of being unncessarily polite....in a word, i am tired of being a sponge. I'm going through a thorough cleansing routine and want no negetive vibes whatsoever.

Come to think of it, in the process, i wouldn't mind being known as a snooty bitch with a terrible temper and long nose stuck to the sky by people who don't matter!